She Has No Clue...I Don't Know Why

Alright...so almost evertime I go to arizona I see this girl...a little younger then me but to me age does not matter in my case if I like her as much as I do...not sure she feels the same but I just want her to know how I really feel...it is like I have butterflys evertime I know she is coming over and I will see her...I love how she listens to everything i have to say and mostly agrees with me...I love how I can feel nervous but I can still talk to her about pretty much anything...I want her to feel the same about me...I want her to feel the same way but I know I cannot control people...the one thing I like the most when I am around her...the fact that she is nice, funny, easy to talk to, beautiful no matter what time of day or what she is feeling...I love the silly faces she makes at me...they make me feel really good inside...I want to be with her and be that special person, but I don't think it will happen because I dont know if she likes me or feels the same...I want her to...she really has no clue how I feel beacause what she already knows about how I feel is only a little amount of how i really feel...I cannot even say or show how much I care and want to be in her life....hopefully she can see that nd find out, but until then I can only be her friend---peace---

Fixing Everything

Hey...umm so I have really messed up everything that was actually going well in my life...I know I brought it upon myself and I have realized that what I have done has really affected people who were close to me...for that I am truly, honestly sorry and I really don't really know how to be any more sorry...I'm on the verge of fixing things and hopefully everything can be cool between me and everybody when we come back to school...im sorry to Breanne for telling somebody that I think she liked him...Im sorry to Flick for not trusting him and keeping things I should discuss with a close friend away from him...I am sorry to everyone for acting like I want attention and moping and causing a negative mood when you guys are all trying to have a fun time...I have really messed up and I apologize and I promise to be more open...I just want things to go back to how they were...I know it might not be the same and I know it will have been my fault and I am sorry for that...Thanks for actually taking the time to listen this time ...because recently nobody does listen---peace---

Things Don't Always go According to Plans

Hey...well I have had a lot on my mind and I thought to myself that I should use the blog that I have to write them down even though nobody reads...ohh well...I now use this blog to just write down all my feelings and right now I have a lot...well first...I am going to be a senior...WOW...it feels so wierd...and with becoming a senior I have to be more responsible...and since I am staying at the same school with the same 30+ students along with a couple new faces, I fell short of what I wanted to accomplish among the other students (my friends) and myself...as they have all created themselves and to me, have created little cliques, I feel that I am still confused on what my role to them is...this bonfire that I went to yesterday showed me a lot about the people in our class...I saw that we had funny guys, (Max and Flck) Guys who have gone through some stuff earlier in their life, (David and Dustin) and I found myself alone and not knowing what I was...I mean sure, I might be over-exaggerating but I really do feel left out on a lot of things and when I do actually try, it hurts even worse because I realize that I cannot fit in at this school the way I thought I would...I thought it was a family, but right now I feel like the son out of the 5 kids that the parents do not seem to know exists...Also at the bonfire I thoguht to myself about the girl I like...she thought that I got angry everytime another guy talked to her and everything which I think would be completely rude and unfair if I did...I told her that I wa just jealous...I mean what guy can't be jealous...I don't think my dream girl would even have a chance of being as great as her...she is beautiful, smart, has a future, and funny...everything that I love...and I want Flick to know that I only get jealous because you seem to hang around her a lot and talk to her and from my point of view it seems to be flirting, but I don't know if it is and I apologize...btu I feel that I am not getting a chance to even let her get to know who I really am and what I am about...but she seem to let others do the one thing I want her to let me do...well yeah so if for some rwason somebody does actually read this, comment and let me know what I should do or if there is anything I am doing wrong---peace---

One Year Down...and One More to Go....UGHHH

Hey...this is again the first post in a while...I would of wrote more everyday if I could, but with finals and the preparations for the end of the year, I have had almost no time to do anything...so since the last post some things have happened...for example...Los Cuatros is now Los Cincos...we added a member...haha...anyways...THE END OF THE YEAR IS 3 DAYS AWAY...wow...I am going to be a senior...haha...this coming week is going to be intensely busy...Monday I have a Literature Final, Tuesday I have a History Final 2.0, and Wednesday the class has decided that we should go to the beach to play some beach volleyball before we have to work for 3-4 hours at the senior's graduation...we all signed up for jobs and hopefully the place I am at will be close to the food because I can feel my hungerness already...haha...anyways...Thursday Theresa wants people to come to her house for a END-OF-The-YEAR Party/barbecue...sounds like fun...then Saturday a bunch of us from GMCHS are planning on going to a Padre Game...really fun I hope...yep...so then it is Summer Break and I don't have anything but work, taking classes, and hopefully getting a car after I get my license...yay me...haha...so yea...that is a little of what is going on in my life right now...man...one year down and one more to go...UGHHH...I don't know if it is a good thing or if the next year will be great and awesome...hoping for the best next year and I hope I don't have problems and I want next year to be really fun...I will try not to get on everybody's nerves like I did this year...and I will not act like an asshole like I also did this year---peace---